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Archive for June, 2011

Celebrity/Political Personal Ads: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 29, 2011

Name: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Age: 54 (Birthdate: 28/10/1956)

Sex: Male

Hobbies: Running the country, oppressing people in the name of Allah, funding Hamas, Nuclear Ambitions and spending time with mah niggas and shit.

Job: President Of Iran (I rigged the election LOL)

Income: N/A

What Are You Looking For: I’m looking for a women who is a devout Conservative Muslim. A women who will make my meals for me in a loving way, look after our children like a woman should, a woman who can get along with other women as I already have one wife. A woman who can keep up with me but knows to stay five feet behind me at all times, also a woman who will know her place and take my beatings like a good Islamic wife should. It’s also cool if she was to like, um, Alcohol and stuff, just saying.

Tell Us A Bit About Yourself: I’m the President of Iran. I like killing people for the Lulz it gives me and my crew, there’s also a serious side to it! I have to keep control of the country or the Jewz will take control and make all mah peoples slaves, and me and mah niggas don’t want that, cos they’re our slaves (Lulz). Those people who I kill are usually Jewz or people in collaboration with them and the great Satan, the United States. Anyone who rejects Islam is also an enemy, jew and must be killed. It’s a lot of fun really, nowhere near as bad as it sounds. And every year we go on a Ramadan after party to Ibiza, it’s a piss up that is not to be missed!

Pictures of Mahmoud:

Awwwwwwwwwww yeaaaaaaaaaah! That was a wicked weekend in Ibiza with mah man Gaddafi!

  Ah Dude! I was so high that day I don’t even remember coming up Ulrika Jonsson’s toilet!

Nigeeeeee! This is my friend Nigel. He hates it when I fart in his place after a Vindaloo!

I have no idea what I am doing here or why my hair and suit is pink! Don’t do Pot, Acid and E at the same time! Bad Idea!

Shit, man! This was when I was on the Atkins’ diet and had the ole Mullah beard. Oh, and those tats are legit

Splodge! This is my old cat ‘Splodge’, she fed our two children after my wife’s milk ran dry. It doesn’t do them any harm, I was breast-fed by a Chimp and I am perfectly fine!

Posted in Celebrity/Political Personal Ads, My Photoshop Manipulations | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments »

UK Law & Order Are A Complete Joke!

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 25, 2011

I wasn’t planning on doing any more blogs this week, and I know I’ve done a post like this before but I had to blog on this.

You may have seen on the news this week that a man in Salford has been arrested for stabbing a burglar who attempted to rob his home with a gang of three men. The burglar (Who was already out on bail for a previous robbery) died from his wounds, the man is now under suspicion of murder.

The incident happened last Wednesday, I know the Police have to do their job, but three days? As of me writing this post on the 23rd of June 2011 there has been no word of him getting out, in fact the Police have been granted extra time to question him. [UPDATE: The man is now out on bail]

Just think about it, you’ve defended yourself and your family, like anyone would, and then you get arrested. This wound me up and got me thinking of my rights to self-defence, the law and the prevention of crime.

I have to say, when I read it, I raged a little! Take a look (All these are short extracts, to read in full click here):

The Law and Evidential Sufficiency:

“It is both good law and good sense that a man who is attacked may defend himself. It is both good law and good sense that he may do, but only do, what is reasonably necessary.”

And…

“A person may use such force as is reasonable in the circumstances in the prevention of crime, or in effecting or assisting in the lawful arrest of offenders or suspected offenders or of persons unlawfully at large.”

reasonable necessary“? So, if a gang bursts in someone’s home and the occupant instinctively reacts to protect himself and his family he/she is going to bear these stipulations, oh wait… ‘Laws’ – in mind? No they wont, they will react with an animal instinct and aim to kill, no matter with weapons or whatever else is to hand.

Yet acting this way can land you in prison for actions that are not “unreasonably necessary“.

Right now, there is nothing stopping a gang from bursting in to your or my house, assaulting and then robbing us. There’s nothing stopping them from intimidating you, your neighbours and the whole area you live in. Only in the UK could the population be told to remain sitting ducks and not protect ourselves and our neighbour hoods properly and wait to be victims of crimes. 

So, if the laws’s a joke, prison is no deterrent and the police and law wont protect us, then who will? It’s obvious… no one but ourselves. I have honestly given up and lost faith with the Police, they can’t be relied upon to protect you from violence, robbery or intimidation, all they do is log your crime or problems and try to catch or have a word with whoever did it. Too bad if something of yours was stolen or someone died, isn’t it?

I really am sick of it, I live in one of the shittest Cities in the UK, only third to Glasgow and London, and the law is a joke and the local scum know how they can get away with murder, literally, and so it’s no skin off their nose if they kick the shit out of you. They’ll go away and come out a hero and ‘Hard man’ and bring the area down even more and wreck even more lives.

So, we can’t rely on the Police and law system to protect us, on the street or in our own homes. I really am itching to start taking defensive weapons out with me. I know, it sounds bad, but the crime stats for my area are bad too! And don’t tell me I’m worrying over nothing, I know who the local scum are! I’m also thinking about using something large, heavy or sharp for home defence, fuck the repercussions. And anyone who thinks the country is not that bad then you’re either rich, drinking the coolaid or part of the problem.

What you can legally Use:

Hands/Body. Unless you’re a MMA fighter then you’re pretty much fucked.

Self Defence Spray This stuff is useless! All it does is mark the skin for seven days.

Running Away. This is the actual prefered method the Police advocate. Wont make much difference if you’re cornered in your own home or being chased by a gang.

What you can’t use:

Pretty much everything else. So that sharpened Banana I had planned is out of the question!

Which brings us back to the Police and law again, they don’t want us to defend ourselves and leave them to do the crime fighting, yet how can we do that when they’re useless and the deterrent for crime isn’t a working at all? And the Human/Civil Rights groups also want us to defend ourselves ‘reasonably’! It seriously is a joke!

Oh, and if any one thinks David Cameron is on our side with this, well… you’re wrong. When he said last week:

We will put beyond doubt that homeowners and small shopkeepers who use reasonable force to defend themselves or their properties will not be prosecuted.

All he’s doing is reiterating the current law! He says shit like that safe in the knowledge that most people haven’t got a clue what their rights to self-defence are. I didn’t even know fully untill I checked! I advise you all to read it, rage, laugh, then hold you head in your hands and not think for a second if someone breaks in to your house or attacks you in the street, fight back, fight back as if you’re life depends on it, because the likelihood is… you most likely are!

Posted in Culture, Health and wellness, News and politics, UK Law | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments »

Celebrity Culture Is Fucking Rubbish

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 23, 2011

Photobucket

Some of the stories I’ve seen on the front of these mags amaze me. What amazes me more is the people who will buy such obvious works of fiction and exaggerations. I took time to read a few, and they are utter shit! Lies, unconfirmed stories and shitty pictures of celebrities doing everyday things.

I think people read these types of mags for two reasons:

(1) They literally are halfwits.

(2) They have such boring lives they have to live through someone else’s vicariously.

I wouldn’t really mind but these mags are getting more popular and a sizable chunk of the next generation are going to be  a bunch of celebrity obsessed halfwits who’s only ambition in life is to be pointlessly famous.

I would say people need to pay more attention to their children and spend more time with them and guide them through life to give them self-esteem and thus a grounding in reality. Um, but it isn’t going to happen, these kids are going to grow up as adults and feel like failures because they’re not where they thought they’d be in life. And it’s all due to an unrealistic, distorted media version of life and lazy parents.

The rot is setting in. 

Well, that sums up my feelings on Celebrity worshiping culture Magazines and the type of people who read them. Hope you enjoyed the parody! 

Oh, and for the record, I don’t hate Frankie Boyle. But everyone else in there can get fucked with a rusty knife for all I care.

Posted in Culture, Go Fuck Yourself!, My Photoshop Manipulations, The Media | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Misleading Female Propaganda! Am I Right, Men?

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 20, 2011

I came across this list on my ISP’s home page. They have a deal going with a popular on-line dating site, so occasionally these ads will pop up and I read them for a laugh. This time it took the biscuit. My answers are in green! 
 
12 Things women wish men knew about them

1. We’re not money motivated
We really don’t care if you’re minted or work down the local chippy. What matters to us is that you’re a decent guy who treats us well and who has the drive and ambition to make something of himself.

Rubbish! While this may be true for some women, a lot of the women I know don’t want anything to do with a man if he hasn’t got some dosh in his pocket or can’t provide for her.

2. We hate it when you don’t put the toilet seat down
You probably think we’re making too much of it, but if the seats not down when we want to use the bathroom at night, things can get pretty ugly. Take note.

Is this really a problem? I’ve never heard a woman moan about the seat being up, but have moaned about it being down, because that’s when it get’s full of piss from lazy men!

3. We don’t fancy our male friends
Okay so some of our best mates happen to be chaps, but you really haven’t got anything to worry about. If we fancied them we would have dated them years ago. It’s platonic so deal with it.

Yeh, but it’s all different when men have female friends, it can’t be platonic then, because men only think about one thing… apparently!

4. We hate being lied to
Even seemingly harmless deception will arouse our suspicions. We’d always prefer to hear the truth than be told a lie even a white one. And for the record being cheated on is way worse than being dumped.

Load of crap! Women LOVE to be lied to! Female:  “Does my bum look big in this?” Male: *Yeh, it does, but best say it doesn’t or she’ll bollock me and we’ll never get to the party* “No, looks fine, babe!” Not only do they lie to themselves they self-delude too! They know their arse looks big, but she and her girl friends delude themselves in to thinking otherwise. Is the man the only one who knows it does looks huge?

5. We can tell when you’re checking out other women
You may think you’re being super subtle but we can always tell when you’re admiring another female. And guess what, we’re fine with it. Just as long as you don’t act on your impulse.

Yeh, some are alright with it others get super jealous and cause a scene, followed by a night of sobbing and saying: “Am I not good enough for him? All men are pigs!” *all her friends agree*

6. Kissing on the first date is fine
If the date has gone well, don’t feel you have to wait three days to call. Act on your impulse. We’re more than capable of letting you know if it’s not okay.

I never knew this! How are we supposed to know! We cant read minds.Why don’t you let us know before we make an arse of ourselves?
 
7. We like a bit of chivalry
Don’t be afraid to hold open a door for us or pull our chair out for us at dinner.  Of course we’re capable of doing it ourselves, but it’s possible to appreciate a bit of good old fashioned chivalry without encroaching on our feminist sensibilities.
 
Is that so?

8. We don’t expect you to pay for everything
If you’ve asked us out ,it’s customary to pay for the first date, but we’re more than happy to split the bill after that. No woman wants to bankrupt her man and most of us like to assert our independence from time to time too.

LOL!!!!!!!! Some do, some don’t. Some women like to be independent and pay their own way, others are more than happy to let him pay.

9. We hate it when you say you’ll call and then don’t
Don’t treat us like babies. If you’re no intention of seeing us again, then tell us to our face. Saying you’ll call and then not is just mean. And unless you’ve got a very good excuse you won’t get a second chance.

Yeh, but if we call up too quickly you think we’re “Too keen.” and “Desperate”, which puts the ladies off.

10.  You look extra sexy when you’re holding a baby
Sorry, it’s in our genes. A bloke with a baby scores serious points with us.

I’ve heard this before and seen it happen for myself!

11. We prefer brains over braun
You don’t have to have a gym honed bod for us to like you. We’re interested in what’s going on up top. But don’t use that as an excuse. Ideally we like a bit of both.

Nah, bollocks. Most women love a sexy, toned man, if he had brains too then that would be a bonus. However, a lot of women wouldn’t go out with an intelligent man with not so good looks.

12.  We need to hear how you feel about us often
It’s our Achilles heel. We not only need to hear you say how you feel about us on a regular basis, but you need to show it too. Romantic gestures and little surprises mean a lot.

Again, different women different choices. But again, I’ve heard women say a man was: “Too nice!”

Obviously these were generalisations on behalf of all women, but it made me laugh and I had to share my thoughts on it. What’s you thoughts? Ladies, are you really that bothered about the seat being up? Is the list above what you think of men? Men, is my list what you think of ladies?

Tell me honestly,  does my bum look big in this?

The Above Picture Is Not Mine

Posted in Culture | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments »

Special Relationship? If There Was One Before, It’s Gone Now.

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 13, 2011

                                                                           The Falkland Islands Flag

I’ve been watching for a while now and yet again Barack Obama, the United States President, throws his closest, friendliest and most powerful ally in the world, the United Kingdom, under the bus to gain political points with South American States. And no, I am not talking about the southern states of the United States themselves, I mean the States on the Continent of South America. States like Venezuela, who have a corrupt dictator presidente and numerous other corrupt nations that make Washington itself look like a sparkly clean toilet instead of the cesspool of legal corruption it actually is.

What did he do? Well, you must all remember the Falklands War? When the UK fought to free the population of the Falklands from Argentina’s illegal occupation? Well Mr. Obama and his administration signed a  “draft declaration on the question of the Malvinas Islands” at the General Assembly of the Organisation of American States (OAS), in which South American states want the UK to discuss the sovereignty of the Falklands.

I would have thought, Obama having been in the UK a few weeks ago calling the UK “the U.S.’s most important ally”, which it arguably is, would have had the sense to not sign it. But hey, fuck the Brits, fuck their help, fuck their military and intelligence, we’re making new friends in South America now, ones who take democracy so seriously they stuff the ballot box every time there’s a vote.

Here’s a few facts for Mr. Obama, his administration and the OAS  to ponder…

FACT 1: The Falklands were claimed for Britain before the State of Argentina even existed.

FACT 2: Britain has held the Falklands solidly since 1823 (except for the Falklands War) and claimed it some time before that.

FACT 3: The people who live there want to remain part of and under the protection of the UK. 

FACT 4: Argentina wont accept any kind of UK sovereignty.

I’ve not much liked Obama since he came to power, I just never trusted him, especially when I saw who was backing him. And his repeated slaps in the face to the UK have been very obvious and public!

When he first took power in the U.S. he sent the Bust of Churchill back to the UK.

When he met Gordan Brown in the UK Obama gave him a pile of crap DVDs, while Gordan Brown gave him a pen holder made from the timbers of a anti-slaving ship, which is the sister ship of the one the White House desk is made from.

At the UN Obama snubbed Gordan Brown, forcing him to run through the kitchens to catch him. 

During last years Gulf Oil Spill [2010] the President refered to BP as ‘British petroleum’, repeatedly, deflecting blame from himself and on to Britain itself. 

Earlier this year Obama gave away the UK’s Nuclear secrets without the UK knowing. This was so Russia would sign a Nuclear treaty.

Read here for even more snubs by the Obama administration.

With friends like that, who needs enemies? This episode assures me of two things: (i) Barak Obama doesn’t care one bit for the UK. (ii) Barack Obama is just another U.S. politician who will throw the UK under the bus if it benefits him.

It seems Mr. Obama doesn’t like the British very much. Some people suggest it is because his grandfather was tortured by the British in Kenya. If that is the case then Obama should remember that the U.S. had killed and tortured countless people all over the world since the end of WWII. Though he probably thinks that doesn’t apply to him because he didn’t do it, which is right. Well… the same applies with the UK.

However, this doesn’t matter, Obama and his administration are alienating their oldest ally, and for what? It just seems like cheap points with countries who have a less than clean reputation when it comes to Human rights violations (As if the U.S. could talk on that anyway). The UK isn’t perfect, but it’s a damn sight more democratic, friendly and loyal than the obvious corrupt regimes of South America and the Middle-East.

Oh, and you know what’s even more sad than Obama’s actions? The replies the UK government gives to such obvious slaps in the face. They’re so sad I’m not going to post them, so I will just say the UK Government needs to grow a spine on the international front as well as the domestic front. There’s not much chance of that and with our armed forces cut and currently still in Afghanistan and Libya, the UK Government will most likely do nothing and discuss the Falklands with Argentina.

The balance of power in the world is truly turning if the U.S. president sides with South America and one of it’s top generals talks of no future for NATO.

Posted in Go Fuck Yourself!, News and politics, Religious, Political and Social Hypocrisy | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments »

The Judge 2011

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 6, 2011

Yes, it is here, what every law-enforcement, local council and Military have been waiting for! The Judge 2011!

It may have destroyed a small African country while testing and building it, but it is finally here!

The Judge, named after Its inspiration, is a time traveling, grave digging, plasma cannon and tampon firing future tank that can travel through time and space!

The top deck is for control of the transporter beam (purple and black) and the Plasma/Tampon cannon. The top deck also has an advance radar system that can track anything through time and space.

The lower deck is to control the innovative grave-digger, breaks, engine and the fuel sources needed for all other parts. The lower deck also houses many un-dead Goth SAS troops in the event the Judge ever gets boarded!

I know some of you suggested fuel sources, but they wouldn’t have met the needs of The Judge. So I thought to myself “What’s the most abundant thing in the Universe?” and it hit me! Human stupidity and ignorance! It’s a perfect fuel source! It just sucks the stupidity right of the fabric of space and time! There’s no other fuel source that is as free, clean and infinite than Human Stupidity!

We’re going to be rich, people!

Posted in My Photoshop Manipulations | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 27 Comments »