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Archive for the ‘Health and wellness’ Category

Hypnic Jerking!

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on August 7, 2019

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Well I should be asleep but I keep dropping off and then jolting awake again. Apparently it’s called Hypnagogic Jerking, if someone had asked me what that meant before I looked it up I’d swear it was something dirty.

Anyone can get it, though people who are sleep deprived, who drink stimulants, have distorted sleep patterns or exercise more closely to bed time are more likely to have it.

I think mine is through a distorted sleep pattern, I’ve felt ill the last 3 days, and on Monday afternoon I went for a kip because I was so tired and had a headache. I ended up pretty much sleeping from 5pm Monday through to 4am Tuesday – and I’ve been awake since.

The cramps and gurgling in my side aren’t helping things either, the UC decided to smack me hard in the chops today. I felt tired and ill all day, but I had a dentist appointment – which I’d already cancelled once before last month due to the UC – so I didn’t eat or drink much on Monday or early Tuesday (My appointment was for 1:30). Still went to the toilet 2 or 3 times before I left. Although not eating or drinking much won’t stop the UC from doing it’s thing, it can minimise the chances of having to visit a toilet or having an accident. I made it there and back without any issues anyway, took my ‘Just in case bag’ too! After I got back I ended up going again 2 more times.

An IBD is like a private British rail company… so inconvenient and unreliable that you may as well stay home! I just thought of that because a train not long went past… You can judge me for that one if you like btw…

Anyway, I’ve waffled enough… I’m going to toddle off and watch a few episodes of Legion series 3. It’s based in the Marvel Universe and revolves around a powerful mutant who has the power of absorbing other mutants minds and powers. There’s a lot more to it than that, like the whole series is viewed through his (Legion/David’s) distorted view of reality, with a lot of weird and strange things that make you “WTF?” a lot. Case in point, The Vermillion…

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I’ve been a Marvel fan since X-Men in the early 90s, but it doesn’t mean I like every marvel TV series as some of them are just typical American action hero-y. While Legion is far more complicated, psychological, moral and philosophical, as well as straight-up crazy!

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Posted in Health and wellness, Ulcerative Colitis Diary | Tagged: , , , , | 8 Comments »

In My Shoes: 24hrs with Crohn’s and Colitis

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on July 31, 2019

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Have you ever wondered what it’s like to have Inflammatory Bowel Disease? Yeah, you probably haven’t, but now you can experience it yourself, welll, sort of…

Crohn’s and Colitis UK have developed an app with the help of Pharmaceutical company Takeda UK, to give people a view into what it’s like to have an IBD for 24hrs.

You can view the full run down here.

I know it’s step in the right direction, to give people an idea what it’s like and to create awareness, but I don’t think getting texts alerts telling you how tired you are, when you have to to go to the toilet and then take pictures of that toilet is going to cut it.

For one, most people will not have the time to do it, only one family member has done it so far with another saying…

Aint no body

Well she didn’t exactly say that but it was pretty close! Unless you’re experiencing all the actual physical discomfort, the inconvenience, the social isolation and fear of, or the actual soiling of yourself, then it’s hard to understand and know what it’s really like.

I mean, when I go out I nearly always have to go out with a backpack full of stuff. It’s what I call my ‘Just In Case Bag’. Here’s what it usually contains…

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Can’t Wait Card: I always remember this first and foremost! You’re supposed to be able to show it in shops and other public places to use their facilities. I’ve never had to use it but this woman’s daughter did and she was refused. Just know that this isn’t always the case!

Toilet roll: Because public toilet provisions are usually missing and/or dreadful. Also family and friends may not be good enough or plenty enough.

Wet Wipes: I know they’re bad, but when you have an IBD they’re what stands between you and a painfully sore bum.

Multi Surface Wipes: If you’ve ever used a public toilet then you’ll know why! At times I don’t even have the chance to use these. Luckily for me I don’t go out much.

Body Spray: Just to feel clean. Women carry perfume, why can’t I carry that? Stop judging me!

Antibacterial Hand Sanitiser: I use this after I’ve washed my hands in a public toilet, mostly because walking out of the toilets you have to open doors and you don’t know if someone’s not washed their hands as they leave. Stop. Judging. Me.

Bottle of Water: When you have an IBD you need to keep hydrated.

Spare trousers, boxers and socks: You never know if or when you’ll need them!

Imagine walking around with that on you most of the time! I’d like to see them put that in the app! “You have just finished in the public toilet. Wash your hands 3 times and apply half a bottle of hand sanitiser”. I took it to a gig once, which is extremely rare and which I starved myself to get to, and had to hold it with me at all times. I could’ve put it in the cloak room but I would’ve had trouble getting it out in time.

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And finally, on a side note I saw this in an article, what does this sign even mean? Only accessible to people with a rocket wheelchair?

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The ‘Small’ Things In Life

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 27, 2019

As I mentioned in my last blog I like the natural world and the little critters that are in it. From a young age I’ve always been fascinated with the little critters and loved seeing them.

Growing up in massive Northern English sprawling concrete estate, with not much green space, I delighted in little critters or other natural world occurrences. I remember seeing Aphids on a Dock plant with black Ants milking them for ‘due’ and marvelling at them! I also remember waking up to Starlings singing, they lived at the top of the Maisonettes in the rotten fascia boards, I don’t hear that much anymore around where I live, though I do hear a lot more song birds since the maisonettes were bulldozed away and new modern housing was built with gardens.

However I’m going of course a bit, this was meant to be about the little critters! When I’ve been fortunate enough to get out and about gardening and just generally enjoying the outdoors I took some pictures! I just want to share these because they make me happy, it’s as simple as that! Seeing these, birds and a nice green space just makes me happy, and so I’m going to share, just cos I can!

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First off, a Bumble-Bee! Picture’s not that great, but Bumble’s always make me smile! One was flying outside window the other day, and I live pretty high up!

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A Millipede! Yeh I know, too many legs… but not everything can be cute! These are so interesting in their own right! They were some of the first creatures on land 443MYA – and they’re still here! Albeit they’re not as big as a Human these days.

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A great big stonking Wasp! I think this was a Queen I disturbed a bit early while tidying the garden up for Spring. She wasn’t happy!

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A Masonry Bee! This little Gal was busy living up to her name by flying in and out of gaps in the Masonry laying her eggs for next year. If you find them in your wall, don’t worry, they’re not hostile and don’t swarm.

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Another Bumble-Bee… just cos! It was pollinating my Raspberry plant!

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Another Bumble! I know… But I’m not sure what type this was. Had a red back but white tail? Anyway, I felt it looked good amongst the Buttercups and Clovers.

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I think this was some kind of Damselfly. Couldn’t be sure as it kept moving the closer I got. I can only assume it didn’t want to be mugged, given where it was!

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A Giant House spider, the kind that get trapped in your bath in September! He was a big mofo, though I’ve seen bigger!

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Keeping with eight legs, although this isn’t a Spider but is closely related to them, it’s a ‘Harvestman’, which is actually an Opilione.

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Coming back to Bees once again, I think the one above is a Bumble-Bee, but I was never able to identify which type. It was all black and looked like a huge fly till I noticed the pollen sacks on its legs. If you know what type it is then let me know.

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One last Bee… I swear! This is obviously a Honey Bee, which I see less and less of these days. I caught this one having a rest on a headstone on a particularly muggy day at the Cemetery.

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A Green Bottle! A bit boring and more of a pest, but I thought it looked more ‘garden friendly’ sitting on a flower, rather than that something else they enjoy so much.

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I know I said one last bee, but this is the final one! Red-Tailed bumble!

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A Hover Fly. Not got a clue which type, but thought it was worthy of a picture.

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I think this is a ‘Leaf Cutter Bee’, resting of course! I know I said no more, but he needed to be included because of his obvious cuteness and general awesomeness!

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A Red Admiral Butterfly (I think it is anyway). It wouldn’t sit still for me to take a picture, but they seem more than willing to sit still and let Cats catch them.

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Another Butterfly, can’t tell what type, because like the other it wouldn’t sit still!

If Moths are your Cryptonite then don’t read on… the last few are months!

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A Day Moth (possibly ‘Burnet’?), being slightly up-staged by a Red Cardinal Beetle!

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I just thought this looked nice with the glass and backdrop! It was probably dead 15 mins after this pic was taken, it was roasting that day and was stuck in a stairwell.

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Another Moth, also stuck on the stair-well, but a bit more brighter this time. I think this was a day Moth too, though not sure what type.

Shield Bug 2018

This one’s a bit blurred, but you can still make out the colours and features. It’s a Shield Bug I found on my kitchen wall. I think this one is the native Common Green Shield Bug (correct me if I’m wrong). The markings on it’s back look like a face with fangs.

Garden spider 2018

I love the colours on this garden spider. I was clearing a corner out last year and this guy came tumbling out of the leaves.

Posted in Health and wellness, Hobbies, Marvelous Nature | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Gardenwatch

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on June 14, 2019

gardenwatch-logo-largeIf you’re anything like me you’ll enjoy some green space and the critters that come with it – especially if you live in an urban jungle.

Though what critters are actually out there, and what are they living in/on – and where? It’s known that the gardens of the UK collectively are the size of Suffolk when combined, but not what inhibits them and what resources are out there and what is taking advantage of them, especially as more countryside and natural habitat is being lost to human development.

This is why the BBC, The British Trust for Ornithology and the Open University are running their biggest ‘Citizen Science‘ project ever – Gardenwatch!

They’re basically asking you to take a few minutes to fill in the online form to tell them about what animals and plants are in this vast resource. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a garden, you could have a communal garden, a balcony, hanging baskets or be in a local park. What matters is that you record what you can and post, it’s as simple as that.

There are 4 missions (the following text is from the BBC website and I don’t claim to have written it or own it):

The Gardenwatch Missions

 

Posted in Health and wellness, Marvelous Nature | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

UC Diary: The Ulcerative Colitis Kid Get’s a Sigmoidoscopy!

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on March 31, 2019

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Listen to this guy, he knows what he’s talking about!

When you have Inflammatory Bowel Disease it’s routine to have a colonoscopy or Sigmoidoscopy, which are procedures where a camera is inserted in to your bowels to confirm the extent of your illness, or as a routine check-up to monitor progress and symptoms – to see if they’ve become worse lately.

In my case it was the latter. I’ve been having unsettled symptoms for some time, and yet the blood and Calprotectin tests – that look for signs of inflammation – have come back with only minor signs of inflammation. That basically means my Ulcerative Colitis was not considered active. The last few times when I had these tests done I didn’t see my regular IBD nurse (because of lack of staff during the ‘Winter Crisis’ we have each year), who would take me more seriously if I said I had symptoms, as she’s known me nearly 10 years and been a IBD nurse even longer.

So, long story short I saw her back in January of this year and explained my symptoms are more unsettled than usual, my UC has never fully gone into remission, so I’ve nearly always had symptoms to some degree. So she suggested I have a sigmoidoscopy, which is the investigation of the rectum, sigmoid colon and the descending colon (basically the bottom and left-hand side of the large colon). I was reluctant as preparing for the procedure can be annoying and the procedure itself can be uncomfortable. However, I wanted to see the true extent as the specialists had been saying I could have a case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which people with Ulcerative Colitis are prone to develop as the large colon will always be sensitive, regardless of remission.

It seemed plausible, the tests had showed very little inflammation and the symptoms could be explained by IBS which I had a predisposition to. So I accepted and was booked for the procedure a few weeks later.

Now, for those who are reading this that may be getting the procedure done, please don’t worry, read to the end.

Two days before you have the procedure done you have to take the bowel prep, which – I’m not gonna lie – tastes horrible! There is no need to go into details here as it does what it’s supposed to do, clears you out, apparently! The hardest thing about the bowel prep is not eating properly the day before, the way it sends you to the toilet are just like normal Ulcerative Colitis anyway. There’s nothing special to report about this part.

The fun started the morning of the sigmoidoscopy. I woke up early as I was due for the procedure at 10am. It’s a good that I did as I had a missed call from my sister who lives in the same building. Figuring it was for me to help her with my niece I rang her and found out the electricity had gone off to our whole block, the surrounding estate and even affected the traffic lights.  I’d just woken up and already traffic was worse than usual and I can’t even have a shower or a wash as everything in the block was recently moved to electricity, even the pump that moves water up to the taps. I thought, “It would have to happen today, wouldn’t it?”

My sister was planning to take my niece to day care but couldn’t as she lives on the top floor, and her boyfriend had already gone out to University. In light of the lifts being off she was going take a day off and look after her. So I said we don’t know how long things were going to be off for anyway, then told her to sort her stuff out and that’d I’d help her down the stairs then get to her car and she could take us to our Mother’s house. There was a bit of risk with that as physical stress can set the UC off at the best of times, having taken a powerful laxative and carrying a trolly and a bag full of assorted baby things down stairs had bad written all over it.

I got off the phone and ended up going to the toilet, as the laxative was still doing its job. After washing my hands in what felt like half a bottle of anti-bacterial gel – as there was no running water – I grabbed my toothbrush; spare pair of everything; toilet roll; wet wipes; medication, change for taxi and a few other bits, still feeling like I’d forgotten several things. As I went out the door I remember noting to myself that if there’s ever a long-term blackout again, or… god forbid… a zombie apocalypse, then sod all would work in my block.

Aaaanyway! After getting my sister and niece out the flat we walked down the staircase, passing other residents on the way, some going down and some coming up. On the way down I wondered if the carpark gate was open, so my sister said she’d check with security. Once we got to the bottom my sister joined a huddle of tenants and staff who were talking in the foyer to check if the gate was open. I thought she’d be there a moment, but as I turned back she was fully immersed in the huddle as I looked back from the end of the corridor. As I did that I ended up getting ambushed by neighbours and staff who wanted a chat, but my insides were turning over and I couldn’t muster much in way of conversation. So after a short chat I shouted to my sister “Time is the of essence!” And with that we were off to the carpark for the car, obviously my little niece didn’t want to go in back and played up – bless her cotton socks. She was put in the back anyway with me to keep her happy and calm and we were on our way.

With my insides still turning over, feeling like I may fill my kecks, we run into traffic before we even got out on to the main road. I thought “Fuck you Universe!” The roads around my block are jammed weekday mornings as it is, but with the traffic lights it was backed up so badly! The irony was our Mother’s house was a short 5 minute walk away; it took us 15 mins or more to get there, with bibbing horns and one car driving up on the walk way to get around!

After getting to our Mother’s my sister took my little niece to day care and I went in the house and checked if it was ok to have a shower. My Mam said yes, but she was about to get one first, I sighed, because I know my Mam can take ages in the bathroom! I noticed at this point my abdominal cramps and urgency pain had gone, so I sat down to watch a bit of TV. Cramps then came back without notice, as always, luckily for me (and my Mam!) she has a downstairs toilet!

After what felt like half an hour (though it was probably less) my Mam had finished and I got myself a shower and brushed my teeth. “Fuck yeah! I’m clean!” For those who don’t know, I like to be clean in general, but especially so as I have an IBD and taken a litre of powerful laxative.

So I went to get dried, took clothes and toiletries out and pulled my medication out by accident too – for the first time! “Fuck off Universe – just as I was feeling better!” Luckily I found them all, got dressed, sorted and went down stairs to see if my Mam was all ready to go (My Mam insists on coming with me to most IBD appointments for reasons I can’t go into here), which I sort of already knew the answer too. Got down and she wasn’t set to go! Using my inside voice I said “For the love of Satan’s balls!” I wouldn’t mind, but she does it every time.

During this time my sister had come back from day care and was waiting for the traffic to ease. While doing so she insisted on eating food in front me that she’d looted from ole Mother Hubbard’s cupboard! Pure. Evil. Doesn’t she know I’m starving?! I suspect she did. While she was relaxed and walling in her own crapulence I asked if she could take us to the hospital on her way into work. Apparently she goes a different way than the Hospital, which is same general direction as her work. If I could’ve slapped the Universe in the chops at that point I would’ve done.

Anyway, evil sister left and me and ole Mother Hubbard got in a taxi and headed for the hospital. As always, there was a problem… horrendous traffic – and I was already 5 minutes late. Then I started feeling ill and that nagging doubt I’d left something behind in the flat earlier returned. “Did I remember my bank card?” (For a snack afterwards!) So I started going through my backpack looking for my card, it was at this point I accidentally pulled out my medication for the second time! I spilled some of them on to the foot space… Lost forever! However, I managed to salvage the others! I then checked all my pockets but couldn’t find my bank card…  I was wound up, feeling ill and now sweating, which sometimes happens with UC. After checking my pockets several times I found my card in one of them, I can only assume that particular pocket is a TARDIS! When we got to the hospital I gave my Mam the money to pay for the cab, turns out there wasn’t enough there. I DID forget something, the other 50p! I’d have paid by card but Taxi firms seem to like living in the 1970s as far as payment is concerned.

As my Mam looked for some change from her purse I rushed into the hospital to book in and instantly went to the wrong floor! If I could’ve done I would have kicked the Universe in the bollocks at this point. I come here often enough, but the IBD investigations are not the same place IBD check-ups are done. In the end I found the right place and booked in, I could sit and relax! Nope!  I had to go to the toilet again. So I rushed to the door to where the toilet is… it’s got a code on it! The nurse tells me the number. Didn’t work! Tried it again… didn’t work! On the 3rd attempt it worked! Got in and in a rush to get my pants off, some more of my medication, which is now in my pocket – flung on the floor for the third time! Have you ever facepalmed on the toilet?

After being in the toilet for ages I came out and waited for another 15 mins and I was called in. They asked me questions they really should’ve known the answers to, but I answered. I was then given a gown and a pair of disposable boxer shorts with a flap at the back, for when the procedure’s done. I was waiting for a while in the recovery ward to be called in, during that time several people came out after having the procedures done and started farting in the beds next to me! It was at this point I realised there really is no God.

While I waited, listening to the sounds of the trumpets, I became thirsty, so I asked one of the 10 nurses busy rushing around for a glass of water; she said she’d get me one. I waited for another 15 minutes, and during that time she looked straight at me 3 or 4 times… I never got that drink of water, but she got an enemy for life that day!

Eventually I was called in and had the Sigmoidoscopy, without a pre-med, as I didn’t want to sit in the recovery ward and breathe in the unspeakable evil that was being emitted from my fellow patients. The procedure itself was the easiest part of the day, albeit uncomfortable, I liked chatting to the Doctor doing it and nurses who were joking with me. As it turns out my UC is active and more extensive than I thought – I assumed it was just going to be Proctitis at the least – but I have left-sided Colitis, which was no big surprise really. However, I felt vindicated after the specialist said I had IBS, I knew I was still ill, though that doesn’t explain why the tests they did didn’t come back positive for inflammation. I think someone done goofed in the lab.

The next step in my story got messy! As the probe looks at the colon wall it uses a little jet of water to wash bowel prep and waste away for a better picture. He must’ve used a lot because when he pulled the probe out the water and mess came with it! That’s never happened before! “I’m wet! Why am I wet?!” I said. The nurse replied “It’s ok, lie on your back”, No, I’m gonna roll in it” I said. I then asked if I could clean myself in the toilet next to the examination room as I wouldn’t have to walk past anyone. She was having none of it, she has to follow procedure. So I reluctantly tried to lie on my back as far away from the big wet patch as possible and get wheeled back to recovery and then rush to the toilet. I thought most of the nurses would be too busy to notice me going to the toilet, how fucking shocked was I when every nurse besides the one pushing me was stood right by the desk next to the toilet, right in front of my bed!

After I was parked up I thought I may as well get me losing my dignity out of the way, after all… I ain’t lying in that mess! So, with my left hand holding my gown on, which had come un-tied somehow, and holding my disposable boxer flap up right hand, I hobbled to the toilet with a mess running down my legs! I took a long time in that toilet cleaning myself, using wet wipes, anti-bacterial soap and toilet paper to clean myself – followed by a lot of anti-bacterial hand wash.

You. Have. No. Idea. The things, man… the things I’ve gone through in life! The indignity!

If you’re going to have one these procedures done, don’t worry… it’s not as bad as you think. The above was one of my worse days, the procedure itself wasn’t an issue, it was everything else going on that made it difficult. I’ve had this done before and it was very straight forward, with no issues or mess. I just wanted to write this to say there’s nothing to fear from having it done, after all… you couldn’t have a worse day than I did! If you have, leave a comment and let me know.

Posted in Health and wellness, Ulcerative Colitis Diary | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

What Would You Do?

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on February 7, 2019

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My brother came over to my flat this evening, mainly to drop some paperwork off for me to take care of for him. In the end he ended up staying late and watching some of the first season of the new Star Trek series. I’d already seen it but I watched it with him anyway like we used to when I lived at home.

At some point during the mini binge-watch he got up to make a cuppa and I opened the window to get some fresh air. My block having recently been refurbished and having energy-saving insulation put in, it was getting warm in my flat with the two of us and the TV.

As I looked out I saw a car pull in and a dark hooded figure hiding behind a large Ford van in the guest car park, although I’m quite high up I could tell the figure was obviously a male by the way he moved. The car that came in parked in the main car park pretty much facing where the man was, but still had the headlights on. The man at this point was still hovering behind the van looking through the van windows at the car that just came in.

At first I thought it may be a resident avoiding another resident, after all I’ve seen it happen before, me being one of those doing the avoiding, though not to that extent. However, this person was lingering and crouching in the rain behind a van after 12am in a dimly lit car park. So my thought at this point was that the bloke hiding had been trying to get into a car when he was disturbed by the incoming car, and was waiting for the person to get out and go in to the block.

When I had that thought I noticed my sister’s car, who lives in the same block as me, was in the guest car park two spaces away from where the bloke was (some times residents park in the guest car park when the main resident one is full). Thinking of my sister’s car and everyone else’s in there I contacted security to let them know what was going on. They said they’d take a look on the CCTV.

I went back to the window and this hooded-bloke had started to ‘lurk’, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Crouching, peeping through the window and taking steps back beside the van then going back to the van windows to look through. The person in the car who came in was still sat in the car, I wondered if they’d seen this person and were to scared to get out.

Security rang me back and asked me if the person near the van had not just drove in. I explained that even if they had then why would he lurk where he was? He then asked me to call the Police because he couldn’t be sure if it wasn’t just a resident, “Me?!” I said out loud. “Yes” he said ” – as I can’t tell if it’s just a resident and I don’t want to call the Police out unnecessarily”. He said “Please do, if you think they’re needed!” It’s like he was pleading with me to ring the Police. I said “Well I’m not sure myself but I will, I’m going to have another look.” He said he’d go back to the CCTV.

I then went back to the window where my brother now was looking out. I picked up my phone off the window sill, on which I tried to do a video and take pictures earlier; but obviously didn’t work, and I looked down again. The person who came in in the car had finally gotten out and it was a woman. She started walking towards the door and the hooded-bloke then started to move towards her slowly at first. but with his back slightly bent, like he was trying not to be seen.

I thought he was going to tale-gait to get in the block, we’d already had an issue with this over the Summer when the block was being refurbished. Squatters and thieves would come in to try and get in flats or steal the expensive tools. I though that security would see this and send someone around to get rid of them.

Just then though he started to pick up speed very fast, like he wasn’t just trying to make it to the door before it shut; he was going for her! With his hood up and him running now, I thought “Fuck! I should’ve rang the Police before!” So in a panic I shouted “Oi! You, dickhead! Fuck off! Fuck off! Move!” As I and my brother had finished shouting he got to her, she turned around looked at him shocked, then he looked up at us, she looked at him, and he backed up off. I thought he’d done that because he was seen, he only did it to look up, and then shout “What?!” I wasn’t sure if she knew him or not but they both went in the block.

I got on to security again to tell them and it turns out they’d phoned the Police when he started running towards her. They told me they looked like they knew each other and were talking in the block and then told the Police it was OK now. So it turns out it was someone trying to scare a friend or partner.

What was I supposed to think? What would you think? I assumed security, which I contribute towards, would have dealt with it; them having a better view and technology than me? Apparently not, instead they were practically pleading with me to ring the Police. I was ready to ring the Police and then go down there with my brother if the lady would have been attacked. I can only assume security would’ve just sat there and watched if anything had actually happened.

DHC1

 

 

Posted in Health and wellness, Questions | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Day 2: What’s Your Name?

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on January 4, 2014

It’s day 2 of the zero to hero blog challenge, well it’s in fact day 3 but I was out of a time a little yesterday.

This challenge was to edit my title and tag-line and also put in a widget (Go here for a full run down of the challenge). I’d already done this a while a back and was happy with it, so I thought I’d just give my tag-line some work as the: “Warning: Strong Content! You Have Been Warned!” one was a little lacking. It does serve a purpose as it warns people there is strong content here that could make them cry and quickly inspire someone to “Think of the children!”.

 

I settled on: “Questioning Everything and Everyone!” Why? Because that’s what I do! It’s also what everyone else should do, if you’re always aware of the world around you and the people in it, especially the type that come to you as authority figures, then the wool will not be so easily pulled down over your eyes. Even question those you agree with or share ideological sympathies with, and, quite crucially, yourself. There’s nothing worse than a big head who thinks they’re never wrong! Once you start to believe you have it all sussed then you may as well change your name to ‘Smuggy McSmug‘ and join a cult because your critical thinking days are over. I’d just like to say I’m not advocating people act like a KGB agent and interrogate everyone they meet or know, I mean people should question the world and things around them if they don’t seem right. And if you can’t tell when something isn’t right then just question everything for a while and you’ll pick it up soon enough.

This leads nicely to why my blog name is: “I Don’t Fear The Chaos!“. This is because I’m not afraid of the fall out of the resulting of asking certain questions, saying certain things many in society dare not to and standing against established political authority (Especially when I think what they’re doing is questionable).

Here’s a poster I made a few years ago about questioning everything and everyone:

Question_Everything_by_dead_anarchist_phil

I know this gif is quite slow, I did originally have it faster, but I slowed it down for those who don’t read so fast. I was contemplating doing a post on this poster but this post will suffice.

That’s it for that task, I wont be doing Day 3 because I’m happy with the blog I wrote. Also, just for the fun of it, here’s Sick of it All:

Posted in Health and wellness, Hobbies | Tagged: , , , , , , | 18 Comments »

Excuse me while I cripple myself for the good of my health

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on November 12, 2013

So I’m trying to do some weightlifting exercises again, even though the Doctors and specialists have advised me not to. I can’t keep sitting on my arse and doing nothing. A lack of inactivity sinks my mood quicker than a huge iceberg sinks a super liner that was poorly constructed with sub-standard steel (I know, I’m hilarious).

Now when I say ‘sinks my mood’ I mean I get horribly depressed, and I don’t like to admit that on here. I mean, I can quite happily mention and chat about shitting my guts out with Ulcerative Colitis but I don’t like mentioning depression. Quite odd for an individual who talks about anything and everything, isn’t it? I suppose because I think it’s a weak spot for me, but this isn’t the subject of the post.

What I want to get across is that the importance of physical activity to me is paramount! I need to do something physically demanding to keep my mood ‘stable’. Other things I do don’t come anywhere near to providing me with the feel-good endorphins I get from weights or jogging. I want you to understand why I choose to do something that leaves me in pain, discomfort and maybe even cripple me temporally (It’s happened before, of course I wasn’t literally crippled, just immobilize for days or even weeks).

Why am I telling you this? I’m telling you because I’m going to keep a diary for a few weeks (It may just be a few a days depending on how long I can last) of my progress and then post it, and it will contain pieces of me moaning and hurting myself while trying to be healthy physically and mentally. I have to do something or I will be worse off. I’m also documenting this so it gives me more reason to do it and keep up with it.

Mon 23rd Spe 2013: Day 1 – Chest & Tricep – 5 sets of 5 reps

Chest press – 45kg

dumbbell Flye – 10kg each

Dumbbell pull-over – 15kg

Overhead Dumbbell extention – 15kg

Close grip bench press – 10kg

Reverse close grip press – empty bar

I found this difficult, especially as I don’t have the right type of bench of for the dumbbell pull-over. I had to do the reverse close grip without weights. I wasn’t powerful enough to press in that position.

I had pain during the exercise but it was tolerable at the time. Once I’d finished and showered I had more pain and couldn’t get comfortable. Had to get out of bed and take some pain killers and hit the hay.

Woke up the following morning feeling surprisingly OK as I usually wake up with pain in my back, which can get worse towards the afternoon.

Tues 24th Sep 2013: Day 2 – Legs & Sholders – 5 sets of 5 reps

Barbell Sqauts – 50kg – 20kg

Dumbbell Lunge – 15kg – 10kg

Stiff leg deadlift – 40kg

Seated Barbell press – 30kg 20kg

Dumbbell front raise – 10kg each

Barbell shrug – 50kg – 40kg

It hurt more today than yesterday. I couldn’t do squats with more than 20kg safely without the right equipment. Didn’t have enough weight for the dumbbell lunges as they’re an old set and not like my olympic weight set. Stiff leg dead lift hurt, but not as much as I thought it would. I had to do the seated barbell press stood up as I couldn’t comfortably lift from the bench, which as always isn’t fit for that exercise. Barbell shrug was the worse! I don’t think I’ll be doing it again, it just causes more pain than usual, which means ‘stop!’.

Wed 25th of September -Day 3: Back & Bicep – 5 sets of 5 reps

Deadlift – 60kg 40kg

One arm row – 15kg

Reverse grip barbell row – 30kg

Barbell curl – 20kg

Dumbbell concentration curls – 10kg

Reverse grip barbell curls – 20kg

I woke up on day three felling stiff in the back area. Warmed up and tried to do some weights. After my first set of deadlifts I crippled myself. I’m now taking medication for it and I feel drunk. If I wasn’t feeling this way I’d be annoyed, frustrated, mad and depressed. Don’t think I’ll be doing anything for at least 4 to 5 days. Still some slight discomfort and difficult to walk.

It’s now November 2013 and my back is still weak and other attempts to get started again have failed. They failed because my back feels so weak, in pain and ready to go at any time, even when walking. I can only walk for half an hour before my back starts getting tight and I start staggering.

I went to see my Doctor last week and he gave me a run down of what the specialists said. It isn’t Sacroilitis, it’s ‘mechanical back pain’, that is nondescript back pain. There’s apparently something wrong with certain disks in my spine in the lower back area but they can’t really say what it is. They also can’t do much for me besides give me pain killers which I try not to take because they don’t kill the pain completely and they make me feel tired and drunk.

The only option I have left now is swimming and the Doctor and council will not help me, like they would’ve done before the government cuts (Because of lack of funds). So Now I have to find £25 a month for the liberty of going swimming for 2 hours a day 5 days a week. I’m going to try it for a month and see what happens, if it does work for me I’m not sure I’ll be able to afford it as I have money issues as it is already. Let me tell you, living on benefits in the UK isn’t that great, so I don’t have much to live on (Regardless of what the Tories and their voters say).

I could go swimming in the local river, but I don’t much fancy picking up a flesh-eating disease. So I’m pretty pissed off, oh, and my Doctor had the nerve to say having a negative state of mind makes any pain I do get worse. So any pain I do get is magnified and said I should be more positive. To which I replied: “That’s bollocks” he said it wasn’t, I repeated again “It’s bollocks!”, he disagreed again and I said for the 3rd time, “That’s bollocks!” I said this because he was basically inferring my negative state of mind was making the pain seem worse.

I told him that I was in the best state of mind and body I’d been in for years prior to developing these current back issues and even when they were at the most painful I was still in a positive mindset and the pain was excruciating. The issue is I’ve been gradually getting less and less active and because of that I’ve been getting more and more depressed because I can’t exercise and raise my endorphin levels. There’s nothing else I can do that lifts my mood like exercise does, so I end up eating food I shouldn’t be eating.

You could argue I should go on a diet and not eat the stuff I eat, however this isn’t so easy as I can’t raise my mood so sticking to a diet is almost impossible because I have zero will-power (Because I don’t have exercise to help me keep my mood stable and so suppress my appetite). So going on a diet would make my mood sink more and I wouldn’t be able to keep to it. So yeh, self-control, I used to have it!

What’s the point of this post? I just wanted to whine because I have no other outlet.

And here’d Suede, just for the fun of it:

Posted in Health and wellness, Hobbies | 20 Comments »

Morons and Headaches = Lack of sleep!

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on October 25, 2013

I’m at the family home right now and I tried to go bed with a headache and rapid heartbeat, as happens to me a lot because of my anxious nature and medication I take. However I thought I’d get to sleep eventually as I usually do, but no… because the witless, brain-dead, empty-headed retards on the 16 story block of flats behind the deadanarchist family homestead were throwing what I can only describe as tires from the windows!

I couldn’t actually see what was thrown as there’s two huge leylandia trees blocking the view over the first ten floors and the car park below. But the sound, it sounded like rubber car tires hitting the large steel roof that overhangs the entrance to the flats. Though it’s unlikely to be tires, so I’m thinking it was more like furniture. Huge thuds and bumps accompanied occasionally by what sounds like empty beer or coke cans, though from the shouting they’re most likely to be beer cans.

I would complain but it doesn’t matter (Actually I can’t complain because I don’t live here anymore), the housing association will just let more dickheads on the block (After they’ve kicked the current bunch off) because they don’t vet them properly! And so a high turnover of morons will been seen from that block and many others in the area because of the lax vetting.

Oh, and all this was happening at 2:30am in the morning. One can only hope they fall out and hit every ledge on the way down. I know, that sounds mean but it’d probably be the kindest thing for them and a benefit for society in the long run. That was mean. But, hmmmm… is Phil joking though?

dxh82a

So now I’m awake and can’t sleep so I thought I check on wordpress and listen to some music while my body waits to get to the point where I have no choice but to sleep. You know it’s odd, I feel tired all day no matter how much sleep I get, but I don’t sleep well or for very long these days. It’s a combination things I think that causes it.

Anyway, I have some comments to answer so I’ll leave you with Fleetwood Mac – ‘Little Lies’ simply because it’s the song I’m currently listening to!

Have a good weekend all! 🙂

– Phil

Posted in Health and wellness | 12 Comments »

A Pain in the back, a pain in the head and a pain in the arse (basically an update)

Posted by DeadAnarchistPhil on September 15, 2013

Any regular readers or old-time friends who read my blogs will know that I was almost completely absent from blogging last year (2012), and most of this year (2013). For me this is unusual, I can go missing from blogging for weeks or months on end and then come back with something.

However, this time I didn’t. The reason for this? I was preoccupied with my University degree and generally being  and trying to be healthy. For those people who know me they will know how rare this is as I have several illnesses that impact my ability to do many things and go places.

One of the worse of these was Ulcerative Colitis. I was taking Prednisolone steroids to control this in conjunction with Mesalazine. But then I had to switch medication as the medical steroids I was on had given me steroid-induced diabetes (Type 2 Diabetes) and weren’t always delivering consistent results. Since I started taking Azathioprine medication to control the Ulcerative Colitis in late 2011 I slowly got better and it gave me my life back. Now when I say ‘better’ I mean things were good and well controlled but I still had and still do have issues with the UC. In fact after being diagnosed with the diabetes it made me more depressed and this stalled the UC recovery into to early 2012.

As the UC was beginning to get better I was able to be more physically active, something I’ve not been able to do properly for a while. I think I was helped along with this when I had a bad bout of OCD, to stop myself from ruminating and worrying I threw myself in to my exercise regime, which is something I badly needed to do as I was 25st (350lbs/158kgs) and had the diabetes to worry about too. I’d gained so much weight because of years of the UC affecting my diet, so many foods I ate, that were good for me, triggered a reaction with the UC. So I ended up eating junk food, which didn’t apparently do anything. Combine that with lack of exercise because that set the UC off too and being housebound and you’ve got yourself the right combination for more health troubles.

I started off on the treadmill just walking for half an hour five days a week, it was gentle and not too much hassle. I did however get blisters on both my feet and on my toes because my feet weren’t used to wearing shoes for so long and in such conditions. These were huge blisters too! But I couldn’t take time out, it wasn’t an option anymore, so I just looked after my feet and bandaged them when I went on the treadmill.

Gradually my feet got used to it and I started to walk for longer and then jog. I made a game of it, I’d try to jog for that bit longer each time I did the ‘run’ in the run and walk system that I used on there. When I say ‘run’, it was more of a jog for me as running put too much pressure on my back and knees, not to mention the treadmill! I began to develop great endurance and at my best I could jog non-stop for an hour and half. I couldn’t go no more than that because if I did my back would completely give in, I was getting back pain just doing the run and walk system for an hour.

During the times I was doing the treadmill I was also lifting weights too, but not too many and not too heavy. I’d set off my back pain doing weights on and off since the age of 16.

All this paid off as I went from being 25st (350lbs/158gs) to just under 18st (252lbs/114kgs) from November 2011 to August 2012 (though I only started my proper exercise regime in April 2012). I felt great! I was feeling physically and mentally well, the first time in a long while. Things were going so good I moved out of the family home and was even contemplating getting a part-time job, because despite what some people may say the UK benefit system isn’t that great and I’d rather make my own way in the world anyway.

Then came August 2012, the back issues I’d had on and of since I was 16, the ones that made me unable to walk for days and not able to walk properly for weeks, came back! The Doctor who came out to see me diagnosed Sciatica and my GP said the same thing. They gave me pain killers and told me to rest, do some core exercises to help strengthen my back then exercise as usual when back to normal, and if the pain comes back then take some pain killers and carry on. The pain has never gone away and I could not possibly exercise with those pain killers as the amount I’d need to dull the pain sufficiently leaves me really tired and feeling drunk. And lifting weights and jogging when you’re drunk aint such a good idea.

I had the issue investigated this year with X-rays and a CT scan, one of the Doctors said I may have Sacroillitis, before the X-rays and CT Scan was done, though I couldn’t see how that could be as Sacroillitis is a problem caused by inflammation caused by inflammatory bowel disease, I know I have that but I’ve only had that since 2005 and I’ve had these back issues since 1999! So that was dismissed by me and my GP who thought it unlikely too. The results from the X-ray and CT Scan came back and there’s a problem there, they can’t say exactly what it is, but it’s there and there’s nothing they can do. They advised me not to jog, run, lift weights or do any exercise that puts pressure on my back. This only leaves me swimming, which I can’t afford as a pass at the local gym is £22 a month which I can’t afford, the only other pool near by is £29, so both are out of the question.

Walking is supposed to be good but I can’t walk or stand for more than half an hour anymore without getting a tightening in my lower back, like someone’s stuck a cork-screw in there and is turning it. If try to carry on walking the pain gets worse and spreads down my groin and legs. Despite this I’ve been trying on and off since August 2012 to restart my regime despite what the Doctors and specialists say but I am just incapable of keeping to it anymore, there’s always pain and a lot of the time I’m physically incapable of completing the movements.

Without the exercise to release the endorphins (and I really need those guys) I need to help suppress my appetite and generally feel good… I’m slowly putting it back on. So I’ll be starting another diet tomorrow, only 1500 calories, to try drop my weight because it just isn’t healthy at all for me, and I don’t enjoy feeling unhealthy. The most annoying thing is I want to be physically active, but my body just wont allow it.

Hence why I wasn’t around much last year or most of this year, because I’ve been trying to stay physically and mentally healthy.

Another reason why I haven’t been on much is my University degree. Despite the obvious study, reasearch and writing of notes and essays and the like, there was something else about my course that stopped me from coming on.

It’s not that I can’t do or understand the work, I mean I passed the level 2 Philosophy module in my Politics, Philosophy and Economics degree and 2 others, the issue is that I’m learning so much and it makes me even more unsure of my own opinions. What I mean by this is I read a piece of work then think I’ve got it nailed and seen from all angles, then comes along another way to look at a particular issue from another angle I think to myself, “How could I miss that?”. It’s made me quite unsure of many opinions I hold.

I mean, if I’m wrong about that I could be wrong about many other things. And in fact, so can many other people. This is nothing I didn’t already know but doing this whole course brings it to the forefront because I’m forced to think about these things a lot.

This may sound stupid and cliché, but the more I learn the less I feel I really know.

Anyway, it’s this thinking, alongside my obsessive over thinking I do anyway, that tires me out mentally. Combined with illness and medication side-effects I can barely think straight most days, which makes it extra challenging to do the course and put everything I have into it. This is another reason I couldn’t come on, I was just too mentally tired after being consumed in study, reasearch and writing.

This piece is the blog I should have come back with instead of my Syria one, which is a bit of a throw back to how I used to write, my other blogs should be well thought out and researched, just like the essays I’ve had to write. And you know what, writing them can be a pain in the arse too, especially as only a few people will even read them. Which is another reason why I wasn’t posting much, because if I do one of my long blogs again many normal people don’t bother much. There’s also the fact my blogging at the world also wont change much.

Oh, I didn’t mention my headaches, but they impact my blogging too, but sod them.

My next course starts in October 2013, so expect me to go quiet a little but I will still be around commenting on blogs and such. For now I’ll leave you with Bat for Lashes, simply because it’s the song I’m currently listening to. Oh and how cute is Natasha Khan in the video?

Much love to all!

– Phil

Posted in Health and wellness, Hobbies, Ulcerative Colitis Diary | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments »